Seeing I missed a whole month of writing here feels a way. Like I’ve abandoned this part of me. But that wouldn’t entirely be true. I have been writing, just not sharing. Small pieces here and there. Sometimes just a line. What’s changed is I haven’t felt as compelled to share. I think a small part of me was hiding from my own voice. Afraid that it wasn’t good enough. Wasn’t concise enough. Wasn’t as rounded. I suppose I always worried it was also too jagged, too rough around the edges.
So, I’ve been keeping it mostly to myself. But it’s not all bad. In fact, in all reality, it’s probably what’s saved me. I needed to be away. I lost myself for a while. And, now, I feel it coming back.
I have less of an intensity to write these days and instead would like to be present to those around me. It’s like I have been soaking. Soaking in comfort. Soaking in peace. Soaking in a slowing down. Soaking in all that’s around so I can be full, full, full.
Today as I walked I thought about yesterday, American Thanksgiving. We didn’t do much to celebrate, mostly because we already had back in October. And so there was a part of me that shied away from even thinking on what I was thankful for. But it came to me as I walked the alley. And it gave my chest that feeling that I know this is good and true.
I am thankful for this land. For the people who’ve tended it and continue to leave their love. I am thankful for the earth, the spirits, and the healers who share their wisdom and light. I am so, so indebted and thankful for these peace warriors who come for justice and love, individually and collectively. I send my love back to them. You. Me. We.
I of course am thankful for the health of my family and finding new ways to connect. I am thankful there is love coursing through our walls. It beats and so do I.
I am thankful for the friends whose messages hit me when I needed them most. May I return the gift of kindness, too.
I am, once again, thankful to be here, in this spot. Today. I am so thankful to be where I am and I’m so honored and excited and in love with what’s coming.